First Step Up The StairsWith truth instead of lies
With Love instead of lust
And with the promise of a Future instead of waiting to be left.
I cant wait
I owe it all to you baby
Thank you for putting up with my bullshit
*Muagh*
I love you
Mother May I?Mommy May I?Mother May I?
May I tell the truth and say that everyday I never wanted to wake up That the next day was harder then the first And the only thing that kept me from giving up and flinging myself on a beautiful blade was you.
Mommy May I?
May I be honest with myself and say out loud that your the reason I planned my future the way I did. Now that your not here I dont know what to do anymore. Im a faliure without a plan and I cant have a plan without you to plan a home for.
Mommy May I?
May I tell the world my deep dark twisty secret? That I am the wors
My MountianIm tired.....My Mountian
So gaddamn fucking tired
Ive come all this way, gone father then everyone I know has ever gone Climbing as far as my legs would carry me and still I kept going My lungs cant keep up with the pace that I cant seem to stop.
I cant breath
Im suffficating in my self imposed hell, Everything I do is just making this climb harder and longer on myself But I cant seem to Stop
I had a choice
I made the decision I thought would help and that would make everyone happy But it doesnt and Im to blame in the end, just another sid
Passionate Broken TrustLove HurtsPassionate Broken Trust
You know that right?
Youve been read the warning label on the side of the jar
You know the do's and dont's in a relationship........ Right?
Before him I knew it all. I knew what to say to get my point across I knew what to do to stop an arguement and stay sickly happy
Self InflictedOnce upon a time... Words never hurt me Change never killed me Love never broke meSelf Inflicted
Fear never shook me And my hopes never faded away
I never broke down and I was always happy yeah.... That was all shot to hell
Break me again and I promise you That youll feel what I had to go through Thanks to you Tonight will be your damn
Suicide
I cant sit here
Waiting for something
That will never happen. As much as I hate to say this After all the tears Ive cried for you And all the days I spent being depressed over you
| My entire life I have been falling always kicking and screaming on the way down for some kind of help. No.More. I except what comes my way. So instead of screaming of help I simply will let my self fall.... And pray for either a soft landing or a swift impact. |
Thank you for listening!
--
When you see the stick figure, RUN![link]
Harm ye none, live as ye will -- Pagan motto
*pounce*
--
Life is much too important a thing to talk seriously about it.
You can not be brave if you have only had good things happen to you.
...I Just had no Intention of living this way.....
Whats up?
--
Life is much too important a thing to talk seriously about it.
You can not be brave if you have only had good things happen to you.
...I Just had no Intention of living this way.....
Eh. Same old, sa- wait, no, that's not right. Hahah.
A lot. A lot is up and nothing's up and down and sideways and such and stuff. You know?
I think my heart is healing, but it kind of hurts like hell at times. But things always get worse before they get better and I think things are finally getting better. And gah, that is so hard. Before, I was terrified that I would never love anyone but Him. That I would go on loving him forever, even knowing that I deserved better. And now I'm laying in bed thinking, "What do I do now?" I don't know how to not be in love with him and that's so weird. It's like... I don't even know how to descrive it. Because I'm not talking about being afraid of not being able to let him go now. I think I'm talking about being afraid of letting him go, even though he's already gone and we're gone and... I don't know. I am thinking or hypothesizing that, even when We were horrible, at least it was something. I knew what I wanted, who I needed, where I stood. Now, I guess I have no idea what I am about to become and that scares the shit out of me.
Or something.
I don't know exactly how to describe what the hell I'm feeling.
I have always known I would love him forever, but I'd eventually move on. And I've known for a while that I deserve better. But it hasn't meant much.
Now... it kind of does.
HAHAHAAH. I'm betting that you did NOT expect this to come flying at you when you asked me something so simple, but I guess you caught me at a time where I was thinking, and I talk too much when there's barely anything on my mind, so you can imagine how I am now... and yeah.
So.
Uhm.
I'm not even sure if any of this is exactly how I feel.
I'm still trying to figure it all out.
I know I'll end up okay. I feel okay. I just think that maybe that's what's scaring me...
Not that I'm masochistic or want to be hurt or anything.
Just...
See?
I don't know and I can't stop talking!
hahaha.
Uh.
Sorry.
=/
Your turn.
Need to rant or think or... anything?
Its alright.
Thats why Im here.
To hear the venting.
So lets see I think you can do better then just being okay and all but I know that your going to need time to heal so Ill leave that one be for now.
But I know what you mean.
Its terrifying to think youll always love someone when theyve left.
Or to be with someone when you know you deserve better.
But theres hope.
Ill tell you a story... Once upon a time jk.
I was in love with this boy and I mean "in love" As in no going back didnt want anybody but him. But I couldnt even be with him. It drove me nuts. But against all better judgement I still loved him. Till he left. I was beyond devistated. I felt broken, no one would love me and I would love no one after him. I would simply die without him being with me you know? So I did what any moron would do.... I waited. And I waited for about four months before I knew he wasnt ever comming back.
It took awhile but I healed, about as much as I could, and it made me a better person then who I was when I was with him.
And you know what? I now found the love of my life and we are happily madly truely deeply in love and I know this one will work out in the end.
Why you might ask?
Because I know he couldnt live 5 minutes without me, And vise versa.
Because he surprises me and wooes me every single day.
Because he never lets me forget he loves me. And that he wants to marry me and have beautiful big headed kids with me.
I wouldnt have it anyother way.
My point being love is that..... Its not if you fully heal, Because sometimes some wonds will never heal no matter how much times passes, Trust me on this one.
But it's if you have the courage and the strength to look your fear in the eye, give it the finger, and love someone again with all of your heart, No holding back, fling yourself over a cliff kinda love that the romance novels are about
--
Life is much too important a thing to talk seriously about it.
You can not be brave if you have only had good things happen to you.
...I Just had no Intention of living this way.....
Probably because you don't try to say, "Hey. Shit happens. It'll work out in the end." or "Get over it. He's an idiot." or "Don't worry. He'll come to his senses." No, you tell it how it is. I WILL get over him, I DO deserve better, but it's not something I'll get over soon and probably not get over completely.
It's nice to hear the things I think told to me by someone else.
Hahah. Thanks. :]
And.
And.
And.
I'm soveryextremelysupercalifragilisticexpia lidociously happy for you.
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